


Four Times No One Noticed Dan and Soren's Relationship (and One Time They Finally Did)

by sarcasticsra



Category: Cracked.com, Cracked: After Hours
Genre: 4 + 1 things, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 22:31:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2245767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasticsra/pseuds/sarcasticsra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Soren's co-workers may be slightly oblivious. <i>Slightly</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Times No One Noticed Dan and Soren's Relationship (and One Time They Finally Did)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm beginning to worry they've built, like, a little nest in my brain. I should poss get that checked out. Thanks for reading this one over, Geena.

1.

“No, look, I’m telling you, they’re all totally oblivious,” Soren says. “They still haven’t noticed. I don’t think they’re going to.”

“But _how_? I mean, we’ve done everything but announce it. Do you—should we announce it? That feels weird, though.” Dan frowns.

“That’s because it is weird,” Soren says. “Good instinct.”

“Thanks, it’s something I’m working on.” Dan sighs. “They can’t really be as oblivious as you think. Maybe we just haven’t been obvious enough.”

Soren sees Jack walking up to them and nods his head in his direction. “Just wait. Watch this.”

“Hey, guys. What’s going on?”

“Not much,” says Soren. “Just talking about sex.”

Dan chokes on, presumably, air, because he isn’t eating or drinking anything. He also flushes bright red.

Jack gives them a quizzical look. “Anything in particular, or…?”

“You name it. Favorite positions, toys, best places for it—all of the above and more.”

“Learning a lot, Dan?” Jack asks.

“Oh, Jesus, yes,” Dan blurts, which Soren expected—he tends to default to honesty when flustered.

Jack smirks. “Yeah, I’m not surprised. I’ll catch you guys later.”

“And he walks away, apparently not detecting anything amiss,” Soren narrates once Jack is out of earshot.

“That was _terrible_ , what the hell, I can’t believe you just did that!”

“What? I was proving a point. Besides, watching you get all flustered and flail around like that is fucking adorable.”

“You are _not_ going to try to make up with me by just… _flirting_.”

“No?” Soren smirks. “What if I try to make up with you another way?”

Dan gives him a suspicious look. “What other way?”

“There’s always blow jobs.”

Dan opens his mouth to say something but apparently changes his mind halfway through and snaps it shut. A beat passes before he finally mutters, “…I hate you.”

 

2.

It’s well past _time to get the hell out of here_ , so Brendan is packing up his stuff to leave when Soren walks by his desk. He flags him down and asks, “Hey, so this new bar opened up down the block. Want to check it out?”

Soren shakes his head. “Thanks, but I’ve got a date. Maybe next time?”

“Sure. Have fun,” he says, and Soren continues on.

Dan walks by next, just as he’s finished putting everything away for the night. “You outta here?” he asks him.

“Yeah, for today, anyway.”

“Me too. Feel like checking out that new bar down the street?”

“Sorry, maybe next time?” Dan suggests. “I have a date.”

“You too, huh? Soren said the same thing. Good luck must be contagious.”

Dan laughs, slightly awkwardly. “Right. Good one. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Brendan frowns at Dan as he leaves. Weird.

He shrugs and heads in the opposite direction, deciding to see who else he can find.

 

3.

The set for the video he’s doing includes a couch, so that’s where Soren’s decided to plant himself while he furiously scribbles down a few changes to the script in front of him. Dan joins him a few minutes later, looking like death reheated—twice. 

“I am so tired,” he mutters.

“Did you watch Netflix until five in the morning and forget to sleep again?” Soren asks, mildly disapproving.

“Shut up,” says Dan, and suddenly Soren feels the weight of Dan’s head resting on his shoulder. “Just gonna close my eyes. Wake me when you’re done rewriting your own script for the fiftieth time.”

“At least I remember to sleep when I’m supposed to,” Soren points out, but Dan is already unconscious. Soren sighs. The annoying thing is that he’s really fucking cute like this. 

“You almost—oh, okay,” says Adam, walking up. “He must be really tired, huh?”

“Netflix,” says Soren, distracted. “I keep telling him, but…”

“Still, just falling on asleep on you like that?” Adam shakes his head, amused. “You should get a picture. His reaction will be price—”

“Done,” Soren cuts in. “Go get everyone else. I’ll wake him up.”

Adam shoots them one last amused look before he walks away, and Soren shakes his head.

 

4.

“Gather ‘round, holes! I’m hosting the fourth of July party you’ll never forget!” Michael announces. 

Dan frowns. “It’s… the middle of August.”

“Patriotism doesn’t have an expiration date, Daniel,” Michael says.

“The fireworks he just found do, though,” Katie mutters.

“Anyway, everyone’s invited, obviously. Bring booze if you’re picky. I’ll have the basics.”

“Will you have, I don’t know, food? Of some variety?” Dan asks.

“Of _course_.”

“ _Edible_ food?” Soren asks. “Food that mortals can consume without then immediately afterward keeling over dead?”

“Since when do you admit to being a mere mortal, Soren?” asks Jack.

“Who says I was talking about me? I’m just looking out for the rest of you guys.”

“There’ll be plenty of normal, entirely edible food. _I promise_.”

Everyone looks at Katie, who nods.

“Party starts at seven, fireworks at some point, we’ll figure it out, and it ends, I dunno, whenever Soren and Dan get bored and start making out, probably.”

“Wow. What kind of alcohol do you have that’s capable of making that happen? Are we talking Everclear?” asks Adam.

“Nah, that’s like using a howitzer to take down a gerbil—which sounds kinda fun, actually, I wonder—”

“No,” says Katie immediately.

Brendan nudges Soren with his elbow. “Think you two will be able to keep your hands to yourselves for the sake of the party?”

“No promises,” says Soren, and Brendan laughs. He, along with everyone else, misses the look Soren gives Dan: _Seriously, what the hell?_

Dan’s answering look is equally ignored: _I don’t even know, man._

 

+1

Dan finds Soren sitting on the picnic table in Michael’s enormous backyard, a beer in his hand, looking just… impossibly cool. It’s frankly ridiculous, because he knows if he tried the same thing, he’d just look like a creep who mothers would warn their children to stay away from.

“Enjoying the party?” he asks.

“It’s not bad. Michael didn’t even lie about the food.”

“We should thank Katie for that,” Dan agrees.

Soren smirks and taps the spot on the table next to him with his beer bottle. “Come on. There’s plenty of room.”

“Ugh, you know the direct comparison is just going to make me look even worse.”

“Quit whining and get up here.”

Dan rolls his eyes but does so. 

“You didn’t grab a beer?” Soren asks.

“Maybe later,” Dan hedges, because the truth is, he doesn’t actually like beer all that much. Of course, Soren knows him well enough to know that, which is borne out by the look he gives him.

“I brought these myself,” he says, holding out the bottle. “At least give it a try.”

Dan takes the bottle and considers it for a moment before deciding, _why the hell not_. He takes a sip and immediately thinks, _yeah, that’s why the hell not_ , and tries not to spit it out. Soren laughs and takes the beer back. “Oh, Daniel,” he says.

“At least I tried it.”

“That’s true.” Soren smiles at him. “That’s something I’ve noticed lately, you trying new things. For me.”

“Yeah, well, you know,” Dan says, ducking his head. “I figured I should at least try not to drag you down to my level.”

Soren nudges him gently. “Hey. You know I don’t really think that, right?”

Dan smiles back. “Yeah, I know.”

“Good.” Soren leans in and kisses him. It’s more than chaste, but not by much, and it’s nice.

When they break apart, Dan grouses, “You taste like that disgusting beer.”

Soren laughs. “Just for that, I’m kissing you again.” He makes good on his threat, and it’s a nice moment, until—

“Whoa, what the hell?”

They break apart to see Jack, Michael, Katie, Adam, and Brendan standing in front of them.

“What’s up, guys?” Soren asks.

“Fireworks!” says Michael, far too eagerly. That’s not worrying at all, Dan thinks.

“Were you two just—making out?” Brendan asks, looking confused.

“Pfft, not even close,” says Michael. “Now come on. We have shit to explode!”

“Seriously, that wasn’t just a collective fever dream, was it?” asks Jack.

“Hold on a second. You didn’t know?” asks Katie. “ _How_?” she asks, looking at Dan and Soren.

“Don’t ask us,” Dan says. “We’ve been wondering the same thing.”

“So… what’s going on?” asks Adam.

“We’re dating,” Soren says. “We have been for, like, a month. You guys are just really slow on the uptake.”

“You guys are just screwing with me, right?” Katie asks. “Michael announced it the day after it happened!”

“Well, sure, but he’s _Michael_ ,” Brendan protests.

“They’re also _stupidly_ obvious,” she says. 

“That’s actually true,” Dan adds.

“Yeah, it kinda is,” Soren agrees. “We haven’t been hiding it. At all.”

“Damn,” says Jack, shaking his head. “Well, uh—congratula—wait, you haven’t been fucking at work, have you?” He gives them a suspicious look.

“Of course not. That would be unprofessional,” Soren says, completely deadpan, and Dan looks down at the ground so he doesn’t lose it.

“Can we be done talking about this now?” Michael asks, clearly impatient. “There are explosions just _waiting_ to happen.”

Soren and Dan hop off the picnic table. “We’re not actually letting him near any fireworks, are we?” Dan whispers to Katie.

“I hope you all have health insurance,” she says, resigned.

**Author's Note:**

> Random explanatory thoughts, ahoy: So I know Katie IRL is more of a freelancer than an actual bonafide Cracked contributor, but I thiiiiink within the confines of the After Hours 'verse, she is one? Or at least that's the impression I get. If I missed anything glaringly obvious to the contrary, apologies, we'll just pretend this is my own little AU. I also just legit picked some names off of Wiki at random for the ~rest of the gang~, and their personalities are basically just amalgamations of the personas portrayed in various videos, FYI. So, you know, no real people were harmed in the making of this fanfic, etcetera and so on and so forth. (Also, Cody, man, why do you have to canonically be a creepy busboy/cook, hella sadface.)


End file.
